The older I get (how's that for a cliched beginning?), the more I realize how rare it is for people to practice independent decision-making--to blaze a trail, if you will. I can count on one hand the people I know who not only think for themselves but also make choices with any semblance of wisdom. To clarify, you may go against everyone's advice and date a gangsta with a tattoo of Gumby killing Pokey on his face--which is undoubtedly your independent choice--but as it is an idiotic path, you lose rather than gain points in the game of life. That was a rabbit trail. I just felt the need to qualify my admiration of personal thought with the fact that it isn't all good.
What I cannot understand is how people can continually place themselves under the thumb of other humans--if not actively and lazily, then fearfully and passively. Passive giver-uppers tend to ask: "What should I do?" remarkably often. These are the people who refuse the effort of analyzing any issue and instead opt to follow some authority figure (real or imagined) to an unhealthy extent. They often embrace controlling relationships and may even tell convince themselves not to try, using the reasoning that they are incapable of doing anything else but conceding to the will of others, grass bending to whatever wind is strongest. I suppose they're content in a vague way--like sheep or cattle--but it is unlikely they will ever be fulfilled or reach their full, world-shaking, passionate potential as their ideal destiny might have been. Active giver-uppers (such eloquent terms I use)--well, they may be even worse by my estimation. They often go against their own thoughts in pursuit of someone else's ideal, usually due to fear or pressure. They know what they want or more importantly, what is right, but they follow another course of action instead. Their lack of independent decision-making arises not from ignorance or laziness, but from fear or pride. Whether the perceived judgment comes from parents, friends, significant others, political partisans, or church families, they are prone to the avoidance of expressing their true ideas for worry over what others will think or do in light of those choices. Imagine a closet abolitionist in the pre-Civil War era. There were plenty, to be sure. Did they really accomplish much? On the whole, no. Beliefs don't change the world. Living out those beliefs despite all dissenting views does.
Don't misunderstand me. The Bible says a lot about a "multitude of counselors" being a good thing. If everything you do is the opposite of all the advice you get, you're quite likely a moron. Sorry to break it to you. However, if you have weighed an issue against the Word, a moral system, the counsel of worthy people, and your OWN opinions and convictions, you may very well be qualified to make an informed choice. Other people--well, they can be wrong. Gasp! I know, right? Sometimes even the people who want to help us tend to weigh things according to THEIR own needs rather than ours and can lead us astray. So why would you place yourself in their control? Why would you give them such debilitating influence over every move you make? Stop the bureaucracy in your day-to-day life, for goodness sake! We are all human, capable of the same understanding and wisdom if we seek it.
I fully believe that part of growing up is learning to stand by your beliefs (of course having ample reasoning behind your claims), no matter who may dispute them. I know people who won't even be friends with people who need them just because their parents disapprove. Of course, I'm talking about grown adults, which is why it's so ridiculous to me. Teenagers, you're dumb. Listen to your parents. Grownups, be grownups. Period.
I'm blessed. My parents and I have many differing opinions. Some squabbling occasionally occurs, but ultimately they trust me. They know I weigh and analyze. They know I love God and am passionate about doing right and noble things. They may disagree with me sometimes, but they don't push and shove their opinions on me. They don't condemn me. They offer counsel that I usually heed (at least eventually) and place high value on, but once in a while I divvy from what they consider the best course. When that happens, they express concern without berating my choices or threatening to disown me. Sometimes, I prove them wrong. Sometimes, I show myself in error and have to eat that oh-so-delicious humble pie. Either way, I get the satisfaction of knowing I did what I thought was best and that I learned from the ramifications. Just because you don't follow someone else's plan for your life doesn't mean you have to tell them to "Eff off!" It doesn't mean you have to sneak around passive-aggressively or dive into a life darkened by elusiveness and lies. Too many people won't stand behind their decisions. But love and courage each require honesty. And it is that frankness and independence, tempered with humility, that will cause you to grow closer to people and show yourself worthy to be admired. Just be a big kid, damnit! And get out from under those thumbs.
