I've never been much for girly times, really. None of my best girlfriends are overly feminine. We're a bit rough and tumble, I'd say, and a great deal less tender in our sensibilities than most. I like attention as much as the next chick, but I really don't try to be impressive (Side note: maybe that's why I'm single, haha). Even so, every once in awhile it's a bit sad to not be that oft-sought-after, flawless Beauty--but what softens the blow quite a bit is that I get to have such fulfilling friendships with my fellas. I feel like so many people don't get platonic relationships. It's all about fading fancy and what feels good at the time--so they lose something so wonderful and (in my opinion) vital. I am blessed to have some of the greatest guy friends a girl can have. All my life, I've felt like I could truly be just Haylee, with all my weirdness/crassness/lack of grace when I'm with the few tried-and-true gentlemen I know. These are the ones who, over the years, have valued my friendship over passing romantic notions. I got the chance to see two such buddies just yesterday for the first time in a year. It got me thinking.
What is it that truly makes both a fantastic guy friend and a real gentleman? I don't tend to take the traditional views of it, I suppose. These fellas probably wouldn't be considered suave nor terribly polite--but in their own way they're far superior to many of the respected men I know. I think what separates them first and foremost is honesty. They're not afraid to say what they think, and they don't care as much about being liked as they care about being themselves. Here are some other things I've realized basically make a great guy friend:
- Response: My favorite fellas always get back to me as soon as they can when we're making plans or even just talking about something. They respect my time and don't keep me in suspense unnecessarily--maybe because they realize if we don't get back to one another, other plans will be made. haha. They don't expect me to just be available whenever they feel like it. I'm big on manners, and it's just plain rude to make someone wait on you--AND it makes it look like you really don't care about the friendship.
- Reliability: They don't always make idle chit-chat, but I know I can count on them if I need anything important--help moving, a ride when I've got a flat tire, even something as simple as a supporting elbow to help clumsy HayBoo walk across a slippery floor (happened just last night).
- Protectiveness without Patronization: They're willing to scare away weirdos bothering me (or at the very least, crack jokes about it to ease my suffering- haha). They offer to carry things for me or sometimes even just take it without having to ask if I need help--but if I prefer to handle it myself, they allow it. An example of this would be yesterday--my buddy knew we were wandering in downtown Chattanooga until he and another friend got off work (we were visiting, you see). A big storm was coming, so he took the time to call and make sure we had somewhere safe to go/weren't freaked out by the tempest. But he didn't try to tell us what to do or act like my mother. Concern without being creepy or heavy-handed is so refreshing.
- Space: We all care about each other, but they don't smother me. They don't just drop out of my life when I haven't had time to see them. And they don't get pissed if I don't drop everything to babysit their emotions. Also--they don't hit on me (at least, not with serious intent). haha. They don't mind talking to me about their special lady friends, as opposed to zeroing in on me in an unhealthy way. And they want my attention, but they don't demand it.
- Sincerest Flattery: These guys are never afraid to give a compliment. One dear fellow, for example, is never afraid to say "You look beautiful today," and in high school, the lunch crew (group of boys I hung out with constantly during senior year) would laugh at my jokes, tell me I was noble for my good girl stance on different things (whether or not they agreed with it), or even in one case, tell me I had the best prom dress out of our group. It wasn't awkward because we were comfortable around each other, and it wasn't just a bunch of duplicitous crap for selfish purposes.
- Acceptance: They never expect me to be someone different, even when they disagree with me or think I'm being ridiculous (which is probably quite often). They take the good with the bad and don't want me to dumb myself down or let them beat me in something just so they can bolster their egos. They actually listen to what I have to say and can poke fun while also valuing my good qualities. They like the things that I like about myself, and help me appreciate the things I don't. They like that I'm not tiptoeing around being a shining example of gentle femininity. They like that I speak my mind.
- Hugs. I know it sounds a little Care-Bearesque, but I think most bad days (or good ones for that matter) can be improved with a big hug from a friend. It's pretty silly, but I like to feel dainty and girly every once in awhile, and I can't think of anything that accomplishes that end more than one of the fellas just extending an arm or even practically crushing me while lifting me off my feet. haha.
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