Blog 42: The Trouble with Gallantry

All right, I am just not a feminist. I would never yell at a guy for opening a door for me. I might rudely stare for a moment out of sheer surprise, but then I would say 'thank you' and move on like all polite people should. When I was younger, I went as far as to refuse to let anyone carry things for me, but all that really accomplished was the bringing about of a few wrestling matches between me and whatever unwieldy inanimate objects I happened to be holding (isn't unwieldy such a good word? Say it: unwieldy). These days, I allow other people to help. Not only does it give them a feeling of accomplishment, it is simply the practical way to go. Also, everyone already knows how very beastly I am, so I need not flaunt it. haha.

The purpose of this entry is not to attack the rarely-practiced art of chivalry, nor is it to proclaim: "I don't need your help! I'm a strong woman! Blah blah blah, something about giving birth." So if you're a feminazi...well, I would say go to the kitchen and make me a sandwich, but you probably wouldn't make a very good one--all that tofu and wheat germ. Is that a stereotype? Vegan feminazis? I think it is. I'm going with it. Anywho, I mean to suggest that sometimes gallantry could use a bit of tweaking. I know maybe four fellows who really have found the perfect balancing point between treating me like a lady and realizing that I don't need to be coddled. Coddled, I say, not cuddled. I need to be cuddled. Don't we all? Off topic again.

I love being one of the guys, but not really one of the guys. By that I mean that though I want honesty and to be let in on most of their jokes, I still want consideration and someone looking out for me. For example, I recently went out with some friends. At the end of the night when I was taken back to my car, the guy driving just let me out and sped off--nevermind that my car was in a dark, empty parking lot behind a building in a somewhat sketchy area. I really do think I can handle myself, but I was pretty pissed. I would never drop anyone off without making sure the car started okay and all that business (especially if it was a car like my good ol' Maurice). In that instance, I felt like the very classic rites of a gentleman were not carried out, and my sensibilities were thus offended. Another thing that is absolutely deplorable in my mind is when a dude addresses iffy topics (which I can discuss) in a way that is embarrassing. Using crass words, unnecessary detail, or verbally leering at me is not something I find amusing--especially in front of a group of people. I don't know if I'm becoming more old-fashioned or what, but lately I blush fairly easy, and hearing some phrases is just too much for me. haha.

On the other hand, I've had other, very annoying situations where the fellows were technically being gentlemen. They were trying, anyway, but it came off as patronizing--like when I ask a question and they expound upon the matter like a kindergarten teacher. For another example, a lot of protective guys assume that they can't say what they actually think and therefore end up hurting feelings. One guy I know has left a trail of two or three broken-hearted girls who took his kindness to mean that he was interested. He was 'too nice' to tell them that he wasn't. An additional thing I hate is when a guy acts like I absolutely need him to do something for me--carrying something, fixing something, driving. I'll allow it, and I'll ask for help if I really need it, but you are not a necessary part of me accomplishing things. What else? Ah, those fellows that try to tell you which of their sex are not good people to hang around. I appreciate very much that they tell me. It's when I've already taken it into consideration and yet they try and force some sort of separation on me that I become annoyed. If I'm friends with a terrible person, so be it. I try to help them. I shouldn't shun them just because you, in all your manly wisdom, find them to be unfit company. To suggest that I would allow such men to drag me down is an affront to my integrity and intelligence. I may choose not to take advice, sometimes.

I'm telling you, dudes have it way more difficult. I know I've been ranting...I think it's because when you come in contact with a fella who's got it right, you just realize how much help the others need. haha. I do love those guy friends of mine who have found the balancing point. Also, it may just be because I've gotten over the phase of needing to be the 'cool girl' who plays poker with the boys and likes sports. I'm terrible at poker and though I find them interesting sometimes, I don't follow sports. I just don't have that level of dedication. Because of all that, I've come to the conclusion that I really would love to be spoken to and treated like a lady and I want it done right! haha. Does that sound like something your grandmother would say? Perhaps, but nevertheless it's how I feel.