6: Skydiving...I actually quite possibly could've gone, because of one particularly extravagant friend who just always wants to get into as much trouble as he possibly can. I really do think I used to be somewhat fearless. I remember being 15 in Honduras, jumping off of a high waterfall into shallow water and thinking nothing of it. I even shredded my shin all to hell and didn't care. I think I jumped again, in fact. And yet, just a couple of short years later, I found myself standing on a rock face above a lake with my sisters and some family friends. They all took the leap. I froze for several minutes and eventually had to climb back down. It formed one of those little, silly regrets in my life...skydiving seems like a good way to make up for it.
5: Giving up makeup for Lent. I gave up listening to hip hop/rap last year, and as I began to think about things that I could give up without sacrificing art or social contact (Facebook, blogging, music, movies), I tried to think of things I put too much stock in, personally. The thing is, I'm not terribly materialistic. I don't have any high technology besides this laptop, I don't buy expensive clothes, I don't have a fancy house...I don't even spend a lot of money on hair stuff or cosmetics...and yet, I really don't think I could go a full week without wearing any makeup. A couple of days, sure. But could I go to work, out to Barley's, out on a date without any on time and again? Okay, I could. But I'd not be happy about it. Once I can relax and not think about it, I'm all right. But God forbid I pass a reflective surface or hear someone say: "You okay? You look sick."<--Happens every time I go bare-faced. haha. I want to be so un-superficial that I could actually go the full 40 days without it and not blink one bland, unmascara'd eye about it.
4: Punching Whitteny in the face. Although that doesn't take as much bravery as just lack of concern about whether I destroy her life. Admittedly, I just put that one in there because she said I would never get to be on SNL except as her musical guest. That bitch!
3: Swimming in the ocean at night. I know it probably isn't safe...but the beach at night is pretty magical. But am I the only one who's freaked out by swimming at night, in the dark? Yes? Oh...well...at least I can admit it. One day, I'm going to do it.
2: Saying exactly what I want to say to someone, when I want to say it. No matter whether they think I'm a jerk, a weirdo, or a big, sappy loser...Of course, I can do such a thing. I have. But I mean that I want to have the courage to do it consistently, so I don't just sit and silently geek out about things all the time. Some people need to be told off, because some honesty would do them good; perhaps it would even get their heads out of their asses so they can live a real life instead of not knowing themselves and what they could realistically accomplish AT ALL. On the other hand, some people need to know that they're so fantastic that they make me nervous. Still others should definitely hear why I act like such a freak around them. haha. I just need to cowboy up and say these things, but for the most part, I probably won't. Or... I'll wait til I've gained enough credibility and then drop the bomb. Yeah, that could be a real way to go.
1: Actually advertising myself. I write a lot, I play some music (and I know, without doubt, that I am talented in those areas)--but I think there's a part of me that just assumes I'm not lucky enough or comparatively talented enough to actually get somewhere. That feeling combined with laziness has always been one of the main obstacles I'll need to press past in my life. The people who make it in any area are the ones who consistently put themselves out there.
I should've been working on a lot of other things...but I thought perhaps taking stock of things could be a motivating tool. All right...I promise to try and be funnier next time. haha.
You're just jealous because I DO consistently say what I want/feel to people.
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