Unfinished Stories

Today I bought a children's book entitled Are You Scared, Darth Vader? The title was so goofy (and Tom's interest in the Dark Side so intense) that I just had to pick it up and take a look. Each page of the book shows the author trying to frighten Darth Vader, who claims to have no fear. Werewolves, vampires, and witches don't do the trick. Near the end of the book, it's revealed that the monsters are actually children in disguise. Vader starts to get a bit uncomfortable. He refuses to engage with them, so the kids decide he's boring and leave. At the very end, it turns out he is scared of something--of the child reading the story, who has the power to close the book and trap him inside. Oh, sorry. Spoilers? I bought it because it made Tom and I both laugh and is exactly the kind of weird thing we want our Bean Sprout to enjoy. Then it turned out there was a little more to it than I thought.

Tonight, I was thinking about what I thought was a separate topic and realized that it wasn't so separate. School has been pretty intense over the past several weeks and I haven't been writing. As I sat down to write tonight, I reflected over all the times I began to write a story, a song, a blog, just anything--and abandoned the project. I used to think it happened because my writing just wasn't very good. I'd wrap myself in a creative fury and get excited, but in reading it back I would hate every word. Looking back, I don't think it was lack of skill after all. I think it was fear. There was fear that I couldn't voice the characters, fear that I couldn't make it to an ending, fear that I could make it to an ending and no one would find it worth reading, fear that I was putting something out there that just made people roll their eyes...So, to make sure none of those things happened, I just quit.

Like Darth Vader in this silly little book, I often pretend to be fearless. It's a point of pride to act like you're casting something away because you want to rather than because your own self-doubt has crippled you. Like him, what really scares me is the thought that I don't really have any say or any control in what happens next. Like him, I'm afraid that I'm just going to get trapped in a story I don't like. Also like him, kids have always scared me a little...but we will get to that on another day.

So here's the thing. In real life, your story isn't fully in your own hands, but how you choose to behave in it is. The kids wanted to close the book on him, making his fear reality, because of his own actions. One of my favorite movies says it like this:

And finally this question, the mystery of whose story it will be. Of who draws the curtain. Who is it that chooses our steps in the dance? Who drives us mad? Who lashes us with whips and crowns us with victory when we survive the impossible? Who is it that does all of these things? Who honors those we love with the very life we live? Who sends monsters to kill us and at the same time sings that we will never die? Who teaches us what's real and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live and what we'll die to defend? Who chains us? And who holds the key that can set us free?...It's YOU. You have all the weapons you need. Now fight! 

Fear is really about the need to control...which also is what led good ol' Anakin to join the Dark Side. We can't control what other people will do or what the future holds, but we can choose to take hold of those weapons we have and fight against fear. We can decide to develop our own character, even if we can't write the narrative. No matter where you are, who you are, or what you've done; if you are reading this now, your story is unfinished. Rather than some disappointing, daunting thing--recognize that truth for what it is. It's hope. It's the possibility of revolution, redemption, and joy. Pick up the pen again. Don't like the role you're playing? Make some edits. Write in the margins. You're strong and your story has worth. Never give up or let yourself be convinced it isn't worth trying.

This is the time again when some readers may wish to depart. We're about to get spiritual.

Remember how I said life isn't fully in your control? Well, I've found the best way to beat fear is to remember who really is in control--the Father. He knows what He is doing. That movie quote I love so much still applies--except when it says 'you hold the key'...it's only true to the extent that the key to my freedom lies in my decision to trust Jesus. The self-imposed chains appear when I'm trying to do everything without Him.

Because He loves us, He doesn't force us to follow Him. God doesn't hardwire people like robots who can only do the right thing. If it's forced, it isn't love. I have to make that move. No one else can make it for me. My 'power' comes into play the most in electing to relinquish control. It's also in being faithful. He doesn't tell us to throw up our hands and just stop trying. We don't just laze around saying "if God wants me to get out of poverty, He'll help me when the lottery" or "If I'm supposed to graduate college, He'll make it happen even if I don't study." The weapons I was talking about earlier aren't of our own construction, they're part of His design. We have to take an active part in our story. We have to work. Sometimes we have to straight up do battle. In the end, the difference is that we don't have to do it alone.

There are so many verses about His plans for our future. From the womb to the grave, the Lord wants to lead, shape, utilize, and bless us. And unlike the unseen kid in the Darth Vader story, He doesn't want to clap the book shut and trap us inside. He wants us to experience life--and life more abundantly (John 10:10).

The following verse, however, is the one that seems most to apply to the concept of an unfinished story and the anxiety it brings:

"...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." - Philippians 1:6