Just to be clear, I'm not writing a blog about a 90s TV show--although, admittedly, who wasn't intrigued by the Siebers? Good times. No, what I'm talking about is the tension between what I need to do and what I have always done. For the first time in my life, I can truly say that I am more interested in working hard and building things from the ground up than having any semblance of romance in my life. In a few short weeks I have gone from excitedly surveying the prospects and possibilities to feeling nearly indifferent to the idea. I don't care about my image or appeal, but rather the concrete accomplishments I acquire through undivided focus. This is the time to develop who we are and thus shape who we will become.
I've always dreamt big, but there have been constant obstacles to prevent investing in my future full time with good old-fashioned hard work. Some of them were beyond my control, but the most enormous hindrance to success, I must admit, has been myself. I always get caught up in grey-area distractions, excuses, and a crippling fear of commitment. I think it's something a lot of people do. We want to be excellent, but we rarely strive for excellence itself. We're too busy harping on things that absolutely do not matter: gossip, hormones, excessive social activities. We tell ourselves it is unfair that our dreams have not been realized when we really haven't done any work to reach our goals.
My goal right now is to find another job. I want to work two full-time positions now that I'm out of school. I spent the summer wallowing in self-employment, doing odd jobs, accruing debts left and right--and now it's time to rectify it. This means saying no to a lot of things. No, I can't go on my dream mission trip to Ireland. No, I can't buy new clothes just because I'm sick of my old ones. No, I can't eat out/go to the movies/go cruising whenever the urge strikes. It also means that I am overcome with the desire to work hard at every opportunity.
If I get that other job, I will probably end up having very little free time and even less me-time than I'm used to. But I'll also become a good steward of all I've been entrusted with financially, spiritually, physically--idleness will remove itself from my vocabulary. I'll also have full insurance, the chance of tuition reimbursement when I return to school, and (if I get the position I'm trying for) a new phone, free cell service, and other cool perks. I'll be able to afford the internet so I can actually post blogs without having to drive somewhere and even fix poor old Maurice, the Honda Accord which receives my love and loathing interchangeably.
I think that we're so busy trying to skate our way through life with as little effort as possible that we settle for way less than we were meant to do. There's probably some guy out there who has the potential to cure cancer, but dropped out of college to play Call of Duty in his parents' basement. There's quite possibly a dormant diplomat in a young lady who's too busy giving googly eyes to Mr. Right Now to gain knowledge and experiences that could transform her into a history maker, a bringer of peace. Honestly, what do we DO with our free time that's truly worthwhile? From what I've observed, very little! Videogames? Facebooking constantly? Drooling in front of a TV screen? Come on, people. Let's make something of this generation. Let's focus on developing our gifts and talents to make a better world. Let's concentrate on being the best possible version of ourselves rather than skimming through life like all those depressing literary works you were supposed to read in high school. Life isn't like a textbook. You don't get the answers by glancing at the parts you might need to know for the test.
There is just so much that we can do if we become passionate and determined rather than apathetic and indolent. Are we heroes? Are we villains? Are we major roles? Or are we playing extras and scenery in our own lives? Time to grow up and invest in the future. It stretches us. It hurts a little. But it is so worth it.
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