Blog 19: Factors of Fear

Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.

YODA, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

If there is one thing which I would banish from the earth it is fear.

HENRY FORD, Theosophist Magazine, Feb. 1930

The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything.

FRANK SINATRA, quoted in The Way You Wear Your Hat

If we let things terrify us, life will not be worth living.

SENECA, Epistles

The reasons I began this entry with those quotes are a) Clearly this blog is about fear and it seemed a good icebreaker and b) They're awesome. Anywho, today at work, the topic of fear was breached. A couple of guys said they were afraid of hospitals. When it came my turn, I honestly had nothing to say. I wouldn't call myself fearless--I'm sure there's something. However, a few minutes ago I was thinking how I wish I had an arch nemesis; I then decided that said nemesis is fear itself. I've always thought phobias were a waste of time and energy, and truly they annoy me. I've always just had a sort of had an unsympathetic approach to it: face your dread and get over it. Ever since I was a kid, even when things freaked me out, I put on a brave face. I was frightened of the dark, terrorized by imagining a whole host of things going horribly wrong, painfully shy and weary of embarrassment, but I loathed showing that side of myself. I wanted to be the hero, the strong leader for the cowering masses.  I used to dress up like Indiana Jones and do whatever courageous thing I thought he would do (ignoring his fear of snakes, of course. haha) I think over time I have talked myself out of my fears--or possibly had too many object lessons of what they can do to a person and consequently shirked them. 

When I was in junior high, I had a very close friend who would spend the night. She was afraid of (no joke) feet. It didn't matter if you had just showered. It didn't matter if you were in a pool. It didn't matter if you had a lovely and stylish pedicure. If your feet got near her, she would freak out. One time we were getting in bed and I just barely grazed her with my toe by accident. If I recall correctly, she cried. I lost part of my patience with phobias then. My little sister Emily is also extremely afraid of spiders. I know you read this, Em, but you already know how much it irks me. If she sees a spider, she will sprint as far from it as possible, shrieking and waving her hands the whole way. She's a regular Little Miss Muffet. A lot of my philosophy about horror is derived from my ideas about Emily's fear: if you don't like the arachnids, you're in luck. They're about 0.000008 your size. Why be afraid terror-stricken by a thing you can easily conquer? Oh, and back in the day I was watching some talk show in which a woman exposed her phobia of cottonballs. Really? Fluffy little cottonballs? How stupid!

I probably overestimate myself a lot. I know for a fact I've exaggerated the potential of several people during my life, but I've always just kind of thought that anyone can do anything they set their minds to, whether it's becoming a good orator, killing a spider, or defeating a serial killer. Maybe that sounds crazy. I've just made fear my enemy because I feel like no matter what cripples me, I can overcome it. I mean, doesn't the Bible say we're more than conquerors? (Romans 8:35) It also says "For God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7) It may sound cheesy, but I think the source of my lack of horror is that very verse. It's one that really hit me when I first read it. I guess I don't feel afraid of anything because the Creator of the universe is in my corner. Even death doesn't seem daunting. One of the guys, in the course of expressing their disbelief regarding my lack of phobia, asked me: "So you're not afraid something will wipe out your whole family?" to which I had to reply no. I love my family fiercely and passionately, but I'm inclined to believe that their names are written in the Book of Life--so why should I be horrified at that thought? And I've never been petrified of sorrow like some people are. It's a part of life to embrace, just like everything else we experience. I don't look for it, but it makes me feel divinely human.

Another reason I spurn fear is that I think it really tends to steal people's lives. They keep from doing what they want and love because something bad might happen. For example, I am so very enamored of motorcycles. One of my dreams is to own one. My family hates the idea; perhaps loathes is a more accurate word. "But you could get hurt/die!" I'd rather die enjoying life than suffocate and smother myself trying desperately to hold onto it. Elise and I used to say we were going to buy a bike together, splitting the cost and responsibilities. Then, a friend of ours died in a bad motorcycle accident. He was much-beloved. Not only were we devastated, but Elise changed her mind, and the idea of danger became even more set in my parents' view because of that accident. Let's just say it'll cause more than a little friction when my dream comes true.

I've also had more than one friend whose life was made a living hell by parents scared of literally everything. They were restricted to the point of near-insanity and missed out on so many great opportunities. "You can't drive at night, you can't eat a certain kind of food, God forbid you go on that school trip to the big city!" I'm not a 'live only for pleasure' kind of thinker, but if you are so busy obsessing about staying alive that your existence is void of pleasure, what is the point of staying alive, again? I do not suggest that one should behave recklessly. I am very alert and prepared to throw down when I do something such as go downtown at night or say, go to a crusade at night on a mission trip to Honduras. I pay attention to my surroundings. But I don't let the thought that there could potentially, maybe, possibly be danger keep me from doing what I want to do--and neither should you. Remember what Yoda said. We don't want you joining the Dark Side.