Blog 32: Flashbacks

I was going through my old stuff and reading things I've written in the past few years. It was bittersweet for me, because I got to see the unbelievably innocent girl I used to be. In some ways, I feel far improved. In others, I envy the me of my past. Regardless, I thought I'd post a "flashback" of some of my older work.

"Known Secret"

Waiting, knowing, expecting
But there's too much at stake
This silence I'm longing to break
Anticipating, doubting, remembering
Just how am I to know?
Partiality doesn't always show
Outward: tortuously waiting

Inward--furiously debating.                    

"You Again"

Petals falling one by one and I'm ripping at the seams
I wonder do you dream of me?
It's hard to hide these stars in my eyes but as for you-
Indifference is the most discouraging disguise.
On the edge of being real, I'm far too scared to leap
With a look in the eye you can banish the troubled thoughts I keep
I'm not accustomed to showing my face
Those who truly know me are few and far between
I peek out from the veil, but only in my dreams

This is new, is it true?
I find myself not knowing what to do
Life is no fairytale, I've decided
"Don't expect anything more," the critics softly chided

Then again--the idea of something more--I just can't let it go
Someday I'll know and my face will finally show.

 

"To the Snakes"

Relentless brood of vipers, I wash my hands of you.
So often have I turned the other cheek,
My face is battered and bruised.
So hide away your plastic smiles, save them in your storage piles;
Put them with those "kind words" so decidedly false.
And I'll lay aside my foolish hopes that you'll read the writing on your own whitewashed walls.

For you've spat upon my upturned eyes,
Stinging softly with venom disguised;
The quieter the blow, the worse it burns with time.

Poison candy-coated will deadly remain
Only cowards need to shift the blame.
"She'll come back!" the solemn circle proudly proclaimed,
But mangled by your stones, I couldn't return the same.

I'm finished and I'm done,
So keep your scarlet letters.
In this place that used to be a home,
Now filled with pointed fingers and golden fetters.

This garden is riddled with wormwood
So much slashing and burning to do
Time to dig a grave for this hatchet
I have to reply: "Forgiven!" until a mended heart makes it true.

"Embers and Ashes"

Standing at the nearest distance
Side by side but miles apart
The candles have been extinguished
Embers turned to ashes from the start
Such kind words in your goodbyes--

But upon my return--

Reception dark and bitter
Meaningless smiles that burn.

Your hearth has grown cold
We once kindled a fellowship here
Of brothers and sisters united, bold
Now I find such things have disappeared.

"Repentance"

The presence of our Love
Has come and gone with the breezes of the day
Oh, but we're so busy grasping for the wind
And setting up our statuettes, we worship all but Him.

So turn your eyes, your stifled cries
Upon a worthier cause
And hearken your ears that you may hear
In quiet reverence, be still, be paused.

We have snuffed the fire out
Within the cold walls of our own unfeeling hearts
Water it down, by all means, in fear of simple truth
Blend the blacks and whites until they're soft, we're only making do.

So lift your heads, turn over in your beds
Right to left and right again
And open your mouths, mending all your broken vows
Call it failure, call it fraud, call it sin.

"Lay It Down"

I am a daughter, I am a son; put me together, I come undone.

Thought I was wise, thought I knew tragedy until it's cloud was over me

And now- I sit here stunned...I am stunned.



I am a kingdom, I am a cross; I am a broken vessel painted with innocence lost

I've sought the truth that'd suit my boundless pride, only to see those methods die

And here- I'm at a loss...I'm at a loss



I am a sanctuary where misconceptions rest; they fall like leaves upon the field of second-bests

I could just drown in this complacency, not see the dreams You have for me, I'd die for less!

Am I to be another jaded one who cowers at the rising sun?

We need to clean up this mess.



And so I'm laying down my life for You

I'll make the sacrifice for You

And in this garden, I gain more than I have lost; I gain more than I have lost.



I am a soldier, I am a child; I am a lovesick fool, singing and dancing wild

I've known the pain, the chains of apathy, but now You've ripped that out of me

How far we've come- so many miles.



I'm finally laying down my life for You

I've made this sacrifice for You

My life's a garden where I gain more than I have lost

Though the Potter's wheel is a hard place to be

I know Your hand is healing me

And I can say- in truth- that I am Yours.