Blog 33: Stay Awhile

Fall, in all its splendor and with all its bittersweet memories, is almost here. Looking back, almost all of the best times I've had in the past few years have centered around this season: the beginnings of seemingly epic romances among them (two that truly come to mind.) And so it is that when the leaves fall, I sort of step back in time. Certain songs invoke the past so thoroughly that I could swear I was watching a movie of the old hopes and situations. Don't worry, I'm not writing this as a tragic, "woe is me," kind of blog; neither is it the "I'm fake happy and annoyingly inspirational" type. I just think there's something so romantically reflective about Autumn. It's perfect for letting yourself remember the glad instances you miss about people or circumstances you're better off without and shedding the bitterness.

I love how as it starts to get colder, the air begins to smell like fire. I love that the colors are warm and inviting and that the flavors of cinnamon, nutmeg, and pumpkin seem to grace pretty much all the food and drink. I love remembering how giddy I was to go through the corn maze or a haunted house with someone and imagine that he might take my hand if I got scared (though, you know, those boys just never did). I love thinking of playing at tearooms and coffee shops with Torches Together and how singing my songs made me feel like I got to unload my pain and struggles onto a whole audience in a way that could touch and help them also. I love flannel shirts and brown boots and dressing up for Halloween. I love listening to Erick Baker's song "Stay Awhile"and being such a girl that I dream of having a song written just for me, of being admired--and then I turn around and listen to Damien Rice's "Cannonball" and feel loss and just that small drama of love-fear. I love reminiscing over high school football games and all the adventures that built my first semester of college. I love that I can wear my awesome leather jacket and other great clothes that make me look a lot less like Miss Piggy than I do in the summer. haha.

Fall is the time that I think of all the wonderful (and not-so-wonderful) people who have come and gone from my life, helping me to become who I am. Where they are now, what they did to inflict wounds--it doesn't matter now if I can let go and recall the lessons they taught. Sometimes people are meant to stay awhile. But sometimes, they're meant to walk away. Like the leaves depart, causing the trees to remain cold, naked, and solitary for some time, they take parts of us with them and then we are blessed with new and beautiful blooms at the right moment. Maybe I got carried away with the tree analogy. It's a bit after-school-special, but it gets my point across. There's a perfect balance of tragedy and hopefulness in this season. This year could be the one where a truly epic romance begins, or it could be a time that I meet new and faithful friends who will remain. It could be neither. But one thing I know: there will be apple cider, there will be trick-or-treaters, there will be magic, and there will be a fantastic turkey dinner with my family.