I am currently seated in a cushy corner chair at my Starbucks. A younger guy friend of mine is here across the room and has taken to meddling in my lack of love life. You see, a "Crownie" (as we call Crown College students) has seated himself in the chair directly across from me. He looks like a rich kid, which is always good. However, he also appears to be a grumpalumpagus. My young friend, however, has taken to texting advice that I should "talk to that cutie." haha. I took a moment to think: "Should I be insulted or amused?" I chose to be amused.
Everyone is always saying "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" or even "You need to get a man!" And while I don't think it is a need per se, I think about the subject sometimes. People think it's odd that I've dated as little as I have, but I guess it's not something I've made a priority. I really do enjoy dating, but I don't go hunting for it. I am not a fan of being on the aggressive end of it. If a guy is too lazy to let me know how he feels, he's too lazy to be of interest to me. And so, I've learned that I may very well be single for the rest of my life. For some reason, to do so is basically the path to becoming a social pariah in the Christian world. Why is that? There must be something wrong with a husband-less lady after a certain age! Um...nope. Such thinking causes so many girls to drastically drop their standards and end up with ambitionless, selfish boys instead of men. It seems a fate worth than death. haha.
When I ponder it, I don't feel so much a pang of loneliness as a somewhat-distressing, bland neutrality. I remember even in less-serious relationships that I liked feeling that a song applied to the romance. I feel somewhat less passionate whilst listening to some of my favorite music these days. You see, I like to identify with art. For example, Whitteny and I do this thing (which apparently annoys some people) where we say "You're this character and I'm that character" when we're watching tv shows or movies. It makes you feel you've really lived or you're someone special if a writer creates a fictional character who has your qualities. Also, as Mr. Bennett says in Pride and Prejudice, a girl likes to be crossed in love now and again. It gives her a sense of distinction from her companions. For a year or two, I coveted the dramatic exhilaration that romance brings so strongly that I used very little discretion in who it had to be with. I often live in a dream world. More than one person has said that in some cases I tend to see things through rose-colored glasses. Everything is more important, more beautiful, more exciting than it is in real life, because that is how I need it to be. I need theatrics. I need joy and I need pain. Consequently I have more than once had those "what in the world was I thinking??" revelations. I think the reason that I gave up that carelessness is that I only want to spend that much time and emotion on a person if I really like him and he really likes me. Novel idea, right?
So, for all of you who have wondered just what the hell is wrong with me, it's a set of standards (which, incidentally, is not wrong in the slightest). Do I let boredom and a yearning for "romance"drag me into familiarity with people I will surely wish to be rid of? Do I let convention compel me to throw myself at every available Christian male? Uh...no. I'm not out having immoral affairs or secretly dating some sort of gangster or justifiably becoming the butt of softball jokes or anything like that. I'm just living my life and letting my passion leak into other areas of it--like writing or trying desperately to be a kinder and more hard-working person or even just trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.
If a man comes along who loves the Lord, doesn't need me to follow him around like a lost puppy, and who cares enough to boldly and respectfully pursue me, I would be a fool to turn him down. I have my daydreams and my hopes like any other silly girl. The difference is I know I don't need that to complete me. I just want my friends to see that, as well, for themselves. We can do so much and find such great fulfillment if we will just step outside of ourselves and expectations we held in the past. Believe it or not, if you had asked me a few years ago what I thought my life would look like, it would've included marrying early. I think that God's plan for all of us is so much bigger than to focus on just that one aspect of our lives, though. I urge you, do not put your life on hold until "the one" comes along. The cost is dear. Lastly, I ask that those of you who are single maintain both high standards and an incontrovertible sense of humor about your love life. It is one of my favorite things to joke about, honestly. Enjoy your friends! They're probably more apt to put up with your crazy, anyway.
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