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Yes, the title may be familiar. For those of you not in touch with your inner 80s rocker, I did, in fact, get the title and idea for this blog while listening to "White Wedding" by Billy Idol. Now I sort of want to watch The Wedding Singer...but I digress. My current entertainment choices are not what this blog is about (well, not mainly, anyway), so be glad.
Some of the lyrics to that particular tune go like this:
There is nothin' fair in this world
There is nothin' safe in this world
And there's nothin' sure in this world
And there's nothin' pure in this world
Look for something left in this world
Start again
Surprisingly enough, those lyrics are actually somewhat inspirational. I know, right? I didn't realize it until today. haha. Seriously, though, one thing that has been on my mind is the huge disparity between people who embrace purity in the classical sense and those who think that such ideas are unrealistic and outdated. On the one side, you may find Victorian sentiments that create guilt and hypocrisy, hindering honesty and raw emotion. On the other, you may find jaded and lonely people who think everyone they know has some sort of angle or hidden intent. In many cases, both are making excuses and both have some learning to do. It seems like the skill of balance is not one people want to learn and practice, and therefore we facilitate erring on either side of the issue. I have, at different times, been privy to the thought process of both camps; I certainly do not think I've found equilibrium yet, but I like to think my logic on the subject is not as flawed as it once was.
Now, to address the Victorian impulses--well, just in case I'm the only one who relishes history, let me explain what I mean with that phrase. Victorian: of or relating to the attitudes and values of this period (during the reign of Queen Victoria), regarded and characterized especially by a stifling and prudish moral earnestness. That is to say, Victorians were outwardly quite puritanical, but often behind closed doors debauchery of all kinds would be practiced. The literature and societal commentary of the time points to a sort of pharisaical existence being common. Jesus called the Pharisees white-washed tombs. Externally, they did everything to appear clean, but internally, the stench of death and foul earth clung to them.
I have always been of the opinion that one should try very hard to remain abstinent until marriage. When I erred on the side of Victorianism, however, I judged (rather harshly) those who did not maintain celibacy. I spurned anything sexual as repulsive and anyone who "fell" as weak and tainted. Here's the thing, though. We are all rightful wearers of the scarlet A. If you are holding tight to purity, congratulations--but don't go patting yourself on the back. Every time you sin (or even have unguarded thoughts on the very things you judge other people for doing), you are still committing adultery. The Church is the Bride of Christ. And until we surrender our imperfections to Him, we each represent a beggar in a tattered and soiled wedding dress.
As for hindering honesty and facilitating guilt, sometimes people mistake fiction for virtue. To completely deny sensuality as a part of your humanity is both ridiculous and harmful. If we constantly beat ourselves up about what we've thought or done in this arena--if we cannot even be honest with our closest friends and accountability partners, then we are doing more harm than good.
I've known so many leaders who created ascetic pedestals for themselves (me included, back in the day) that made those who followed them feel ashamed and like they could never measure up. Similarly, we cannot hide behind purity and run away from knowledge. One should never knowingly enter a situation where sin is served on a silver platter, but if a person cannot be faced with temptation or truth and still stand for righteousness, there is a problem. One issue I have with home-schooling (generally, not in every specific case) is that it can place the child in an ivory tower. Once faced with the battlefield of real life and worldliness, it is all too easy for that child to be slaughtered. I'm grateful to know what I know; the good, the bad, and the ugly can all work toward my good if I use the intelligence correctly. Matthew 10:16 says it this way: "Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and innocent as doves."
I addressed the Victorians more thoroughly than I set out to, but oh well. Now to the jaded ones who foolishly consider purity an impossibility. This mindset is always upsetting to me, but especially when it is found in Christian communities. Setting aside the oft-quoted verse about being able to do anything through Christ, I'd like to introduce you to something we all conveniently forget: self-control. It's one of the fruits of the Spirit. All sin and fall short of the glory of God, of course. Everyone messes up every once in awhile, but if you find yourself habitually unable to exercise self-control, I have to question if you've really consecrated your heart to the pursuit of the Holy or if you just always do whatever makes you feel good at the time. You're a Christian when you get to go on fun trips and have a good cry at the altar, but you're a hedonist when no one is looking and you're feeling horny enough (pardon the frankness). I'm thankful to say that I've still got my, er, virtue, but I've dabbled in unsavory things and experienced much that I am less than proud of.
Going back to the lyrics I quoted earlier, I do have to disagree with one line ("there's nothing sure in this world"). Morality is never relative and truth is truth. So why not at least TRY to keep it in your pants instead of just making "Nobody's perfect" your personal mantra? If you are always readily promiscuous when an opportunity presents itself, then perhaps you are a situational pansy and should practice care and concern accordingly. As Mr. Idol said, it's a nice day for a white wedding. Get over your past and "start again." Choose to do better and believe that you can. Stop making excuses. Plenty of times, I've done stupid things and pardoned myself by blaming it on those who hurt me. Well, sometimes people will treat you like crap. Your significant other might leave, your friends might ignore you, but in the end YOU are in control of what you do. So grow up and take responsibility.
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